The Pink Pineapple: Peak Idiocracy or Just Another Instagram Scam?
Okay, a pink pineapple. Really? Is this what we've come to? We're so bored and vapid that we need genetically modified fruit to make us feel something? Benny Blanco thinks it's "incredible." Of course he does. He's probably getting paid to say that. Give me a break.
Pink Pineapples: Because Regular Fruit Was Too Interesting?
Pinkwashing Our Palates So, the deal is, they mess with the DNA to keep this pineapple from turning yellow. It stays pink because of lycopene, the same stuff that makes tomatoes red. They "turn off the enzyme," blah blah blah. Sounds like something Dr. Moreau would cook up on his island. Is it safe? They SAY it's safe. But are we really trusting the same companies that brought us… well, you know. And it's not like regular pineapples are exactly suffering from a lack of lycopene. They just convert it. It's like being proud of yourself for *not* doing something. "Look at me, I'm *not* robbing a bank today!" Good for you, genius. This whole thing smacks of desperation, offcourse. Desperation to make something, *anything*, stand out in the endless scroll of garbage content. Desperation to get those sweet, sweet influencer endorsements. Desperation to charge $50 for a damn pineapple. Fifty bucks! You could buy a decent bottle of whiskey for that price. Or, you know, actual food.Pink Pineapples: Proof We're Officially Doomed?
The Instagram Effect Let's be real: this isn't about flavor. It's about the 'gram. It's about influencers posing with their pink pineapples, racking up likes, and making the rest of us feel like we're missing out on some essential life experience. The Pink Pineapple: Nature’s Sweetest Trend Taking Over the Internet — and Benny Blanco Approves And the health benefits? Vitamin C, antioxidants, aids digestion… Please. A regular pineapple does all that. An orange does all that. Hell, broccoli does all that. We're not suddenly going to live to be 150 because we ate a pink pineapple. I'm just picturing some poor farmer sweating his ass off in a tropical field, tending to these genetically modified monstrosities, all so some trust fund kid can take a selfie with it. It's grotesque. Speaking of grotesque, I saw this TikTok the other day of some "influencer" unboxing a luxury water bottle. Like, designer water. Who even *buys* that crap? Do these people have any idea how tone deaf they sound to normal people?Pink Pineapples: The Perfect Distraction From Reality?
The Future of Fruit? So, what's next? Blue bananas? Green grapes that taste like pizza? Are we just going to keep messing with nature until we've created some Frankensteinian foodscape that's completely divorced from reality? And who decides what's "rare" and "exclusive," anyway? The same guys who decide what's trending on Twitter? Maybe I should start growing purple potatoes in my backyard and selling them for $100 a pop. I bet some idiot would buy them. So, What's the Endgame Here? It's a pink pineapple. It's not the cure for cancer. It's not going to solve world hunger. It's just another shiny object to distract us from the fact that the world is burning. And honestly, I'm tired of it.
